You might scoff at the idea of fighting over family inheritances once your parents are gone. Things may change as they begin to downsize and they start giving away treasured keepsakes. The sapphire brooch you have always admired goes to your sister-in-law. The model train set you loved setting up with your dad goes to your nephew. All of a sudden, you feel wronged.

Family inheritances and mementos generate powerful emotional and financial attachments. If you are not careful, struggles over your parent's assignment of legal powers and disputes over inheritance can tear your family apart.

Here is a look at three common scenarios and how to avoid them in your family.

1. The Assignment of Legal Powers

As your parents age, there may come a time when they are no longer able to care for their financial or medical matters anymore. It is important that they have a Power of Attorney (POA) in place before they reach that point.

There are two main types of Powers of Attorney and several situations in which each could be valuable:

• A Medical Power of Attorney gives one person the power to make medical decisions in the best interest of another person. For an older loved one, a durable medical POA would allow them to have their care managed by a trusted adviser or family member even if they are unconscious, in the later stages of dementia, or otherwise unable to make their own health care decisions.
• A Financial Power of Attorney performs the same function as a medical power of attorney, only it governs financial decisions rather than medical ones.

If your parents have not assigned their legal powers, they should so that your family can be better prepared to deal with the future and make sure they are prepared as well. If they have and you are surprised by their decisions or even upset by them, you need to remember that it is your parent who has made these decisions. Do not take it as a personal attack on you. Do your best to work with your siblings.

Either way, if their POA is in place, they will have peace of mind knowing that they will be cared for properly, and you will feel better knowing that someone your parent trusts will step in when needed — without legal hassles.

2. The Potential Inheritance

Another common power struggle among siblings is how parents spend their money — and their potential inheritance.

For example, you might be worried that your mom is no longer safe living at home and want to start exploring assisted living options. Although assisted living is affordable, especially when compared to living at home or hiring in-home care, your brother objects. You suspect it is because he does not want your mom to deplete his potential inheritance.

Again, you need to remember that it is your mom who has to make these decisions. Talk to her about the benefits of assisted living and ask her if she is interested in proactively exploring her options. Let her know that it is OK for her to spend money to make her life easier and assure her that such spending is appropriate. Your brother may have an opinion, but it is your mom who should feel empowered to make the decision.

In the meantime, try to get your brother on board. Visit some assisted living communities in the area so he can see what it is really like. Stress the importance of teamwork and developing solutions that would make life easier for Mom.

3. The Treasured Keepsake

Back to the brooch. It is normal to feel upset by the way your parents divide their property. When it comes to emotional health, there is no such thing as a good or bad feeling. Emotions live in the most primitive part of the brain — the one that has been around the longest and has evolved to help people make choices to stay safe in the world. They serve a purpose.

You might be feeling upset because you are preemptively grieving the loss of your parent or the loss of the relationship you once had. Or you might be feeling wronged because you feel like you deserve it because you have been the one caring for your mom, not your sister-in-law.

Again, you need to remember that it is your parent, not your siblings or sister-in-law or niece, who decided who gets what. If you feel like this has the potential to drive a wedge in your relationships, discuss it with your parents while they are alive and talk about their decisions. Think twice before you take your anger or disappointment out on others.

No matter how complex your family dynamics may be, it is possible to work together for the sake of your parents. For a guide to getting everyone on the same page, download How to Manage Challenging Family Dynamics When Making Long-Term Care Decisions.