When you're researching an assisted living community for your parent, it's not unusual if you feel overwhelmed. The terminology can be unfamiliar. The options are almost endless. And the stakes feel very high.
A tour can help you find the right community - but only if you know what to ask.
That's what this guide is for. It organizes the most important questions to ask when touring a senior living community - whether you're looking at assisted living, independent living, or memory care - so nothing important slips through the cracks.
Use it as a reference before your visit, a checklist during it, or a framework for comparing communities afterward.
Not every community will volunteer the information you need most. Some details - how care is assessed, what happens when needs change, how team members handle a difficult night - only come out when you ask directly.
If you're visiting several communities, you may experience 'tour fog' and forget to ask questions that matter. A structured list of questions keeps you grounded and makes it easier to compare.
The sections below are an organized, printable framework of questions. You can work through them in order or skip to what's most relevant to your situation.
Understanding how a community structures care - and whether it can grow with your parent - is one of the most important things you can learn on a tour.
What levels of care do you offer (independent living, assisted living, memory care)?
How do you assess a new Resident's care needs, and how often are care plans reviewed?
Can care increase over time without requiring a move to another community?
Is there a registered nurse or licensed care professional on-site 24/7?
What you're listening for is a balance of medical needs, flexibility and autonomy. Care should shift with your parent's needs without uprooting them from a place they've come to call home.
At Highgate, we collaborate with Residents, families, and physicians under our 'Full Care for All' philosophy. The guiding principle is to provide as much support as a Resident needs - and never more than they want.
Medication needs tend to grow more complex with age, so it's vital to know if they can administer medications, how they track them, who oversees changes, and what happens when things get complicated.
How is medication administered and tracked?
Who oversees medication changes or interactions?
What happens if a Resident's medication needs change significantly?
Some families assume that complex medical needs require a skilled nursing facility. That's not always true.
Highgate assists with medications no matter how complicated (including ostomy care, catheter care, and sliding-scale insulin) within an assisted living setting.
The people caring for your parent matter more than almost anything else. The building, the amenities, the activities calendar - none of it means much if the team members aren't well-trained and engaged.
What is the team member-to-Resident ratio during the day, evening, and overnight?
What training and certifications do Care Partners or caregivers hold?
How does the community handle team member turnover, and what is the average tenure?
Are team members trained in dementia or memory care specifically?
Turnover is a question many families don't think to ask, but it tells you a lot. High turnover makes consistent, relationship-based care difficult. When the same Care Partners show up day after day, they notice small changes - in mood, appetite, energy - that a rotating team would miss.
On the memory care side, ask for specifics. General caregiving training and dementia-specific training are not the same thing.
At Highgate, team members hold Certified Dementia Practitioner credentials and are trained in:
Teepa Snow's Positive Approach to Care™ and Positive Physical Approach™
GEM™ - using gem colors to represent changing brain abilities at different dementia stages.
Families are even invited to experience the Virtual Dementia Tour®, which builds firsthand empathy for what a loved one may be experiencing.
Questions About Living Spaces and Community Apartments and Common Areas
Where your parent lives day-to-day should feel like home - not a hospital room or hotel. Ask about the space to understand both the setup and if the environment feels warm and livable.
What floor plans are available, and can I see a model unit?
Can Residents personalize or furnish their own space?
What common areas and outdoor spaces are accessible to Residents?
Highgate's two Residential neighborhoods (The Manor for assisted living and The Cottage for memory care) offer studio, one- and two-bedroom apartments, and companion suites. Each apartment includes a kitchenette, large bathroom with walk-in shower, and an emergency call system with two-way communication.
Safety features are easy to take for granted during a tour but they're essential for senior communities, especially if your parent has a history of falls or needs memory care.
What safety features are in place (emergency call systems, grab bars, secured entries)?
How does the community handle emergencies, natural disasters, or power outages?
For memory care units, what security measures prevent wandering?
Questions About Meals and Dining
Food is central to daily life, and it's one of the areas where communities vary the most. A meal program affects your parent's physical, emotional, and social health.
How many meals per day are included, and can I see a sample menu?
Are meals prepared on-site by a chef or kitchen team?
How are dietary restrictions, food allergies, or texture-modified diets handled?
Can Residents eat in their rooms if they prefer?
Are snacks and beverages available between meals?
At Highgate, meals are made from scratch using fresh ingredients, not reheated or outsourced. The dining program is led by Khalid Iraqui, our Director of Dining Services with more than 20 years of five-star restaurant experience. Three meals are served daily, along with snacks and beverages at any time. All-day dining is available, and meals can be brought to a Resident's room if they prefer to eat in their own space.
Engagement and connection aren't just boxes to check off your assisted living checklist - they're core to well-being. Research consistently links social activity and sense of purpose to better physical and cognitive health in older adults. The activities program at any community you visit deserves a close look.
What does a typical weekly activity calendar look like? Can I see a recent one?
Are there outings, events, or scheduled social gatherings?
How does the community help new Residents build connections?
Is there a wellness or fitness program?
Ask specifically how the community helps new Residents get involved. The transition into senior living can be isolating at first, and a good community has a thoughtful answer for how they bridge that gap.
At Highgate, the Purposeful Living program is built around individual interests. New Residents complete an interview, so our programming reflects what actually matters to them.
Here are a few examples from our activity roster: memoir writing classes and Paint N Pour to blanket-making for nonprofits, exercise classes, Senior Prom, and London-style afternoon tea.
Additionally, our Resident Ambassador program pairs new Residents with established ones to help them find their footing and build friendships.
Pricing is one of the most important conversations to have on a tour - and one of the easiest to avoid because it feels uncomfortable to ask. Don't skip it. Understanding the full cost picture upfront prevents difficult surprises later.
What is the base monthly rate, and what does it include?
Are there additional fees for higher levels of care, medication management, or specialized services?
How often do rates increase, and how much notice is given?
Is there a move-in fee, community fee, or deposit?
What is the contract or lease structure?
What is the cancellation or move-out policy?
Does the community accept long-term care insurance, VA benefits, or other financial assistance?
Some communities offer an all-inclusive rate; others add fees as needs increase. Neither model is inherently better, but you need to understand which one the community implements, and what to expect long-term.
How a community handles the transition tells you a lot about how they approach care overall.
What does the move-in process look like from application to first day?
Is there a trial stay or respite option to experience the community first?
How does the community help new Residents adjust during the first few weeks?
What items should a Resident bring, and what is provided?
Moving into senior living is a significant life change, and the first few weeks can be emotionally difficult even when the decision is clearly the right one. Ask what the community does proactively - not just what they do if a problem comes up.
Highgate offers respite stays at all of our communities - for post-hospital recovery, Care Partner relief, or simply as a trial stay. Full care and amenities are included, so it's a genuine preview of daily life, not a watered-down version of it.
Moving a parent into senior living doesn't mean stepping back from their life - it means staying involved in a different way. How a community supports that ongoing relationship matters, both for your loved one’s well-being and your own peace of mind.
How does the community keep families informed about their loved one's health and well-being?
Are there set visiting hours, or can family visit anytime?
Can family members join for meals or activities?
Is there a family council, advisory group, or regular family events?
Who is the primary point of contact if I have a concern?
Ask about communication when something changes - a health shift, a behavioral change, a fall. You want to know how quickly you'll hear about it and from whom, not just how things work on a normal day.
At Highgate, families are always invited and encouraged to spend time in the community. Special events - concerts, parties, afternoon tea - are open to family members, and care plans are developed with Residents, families, and physicians from the start. The goal is a genuine partnership, not a handoff.
If your parent is living with dementia or Alzheimer's, the quality of memory care deserves its own careful evaluation. The philosophy behind the care will shape your parent's daily life in meaningful ways.
What is the philosophy or approach to memory care?
How are activities and environments adapted for Residents with dementia or Alzheimer's?
What specialized training do memory care team members receive?
How does the community handle behavioral changes like sundowning, wandering, or agitation?
That last question is particularly telling. How a community responds to difficult moments (agitation, confusion, resistance to care) reflects their values more than almost anything else.
At Highgate, memory care takes place in The Cottage, guided by Teepa Snow's Positive Approach to Care™. The focus is on what remains rather than what's been lost.
When behavioral challenges arise, the first response isn't medication. Instead, team members use redirection, validation, physical activity, socialization, and whatever feels most comforting in that moment. Sensory touches like spa baths, aromatherapy, and signature herbal teas are woven into daily life. Families are also invited to experience the Virtual Dementia Tour®, which offers a firsthand sense of what their loved one may be experiencing.
When two partners have different care needs, the decision becomes more complicated. Some communities can accommodate both, keeping couples close even when one partner requires a higher level of care than the other.
Can couples with different care needs live together or near each other?
How does the community accommodate a situation where one partner needs memory care and the other does not?
Are there shared suites or companion suite options?
This is worth asking even if the difference in care needs feels small right now.
Highgate's Couples Care program is built specifically around this situation. Partners can live in the same suite or just steps apart, regardless of differing care needs - one spouse in The Manor for assisted living, the other in The Cottage for memory care, for example. The goal is to let couples get back to being husband and wife, rather than Care partner and care recipient. It's a distinction that matters deeply to the people living it.
Some of the most important things you'll learn on a tour aren't asked, they're observed. While you're walking through, pay attention to what's happening around you.
Team Members and Residents. Do team members greet Residents by name? Do Residents look comfortable and at ease in their environment, or withdrawn?
The space itself. Are common areas clean, well-lit, and well-maintained? Does the atmosphere feel homelike, or does it feel institutional?
Social life in action. Are Residents socializing in common spaces, or are most of them alone in their rooms? A lively common area in the middle of the day is a good sign.
Your senses. Is there a noticeable smell - positive or negative? It sounds like a small thing, but it isn't.
Your gut. Would you feel comfortable spending time here yourself? Could you picture your parent feeling at home here?
No community is perfect, and first impressions aren't everything. But if something feels off during the tour, trust that instinct enough to ask more questions.
Finding the right place for someone you love is one of the most important decisions you'll make. We don't take that trust lightly. If you're ready to see Highgate in person, we'd love to welcome you and answer every question on your list. Contact Us →