Couples Care: A Q-and-A with Senior Sweethearts Who Call Highgate Home

Delores met Bob when, in 1935, his dad got a job at the local sugar factory and the family moved in next door.

Ten years later, 15-year-old Bob asked 16-year-old Delores to a church dance. “For some reason, she said yes,” he recalls.  

The couple recently celebrated their 68th wedding anniversary from their home at Highgate at Yakima. Thanks to Highgate Senior Living’s Couples Care Program, Bob and Delores are able to live together even though Delores needs care and Bob doesn’t.  

“It’s been a good trip,” Bob says. A trip full of children and careers, passion and purpose.  

It’s also been a trip full of surprises, hard decisions, and lessons learned. That’s why Highgate at Yakima’s Community Relations Coordinator, Mandy Ketcham, sat down with them — to talk about life and love and living at Highgate.  

Mandy: When and why did you two start talking about senior living? 

Bob: We talked about it for probably three or four years. 

What brought it to a head was Delores fell — twice. I hadn’t noticed that our daughter had been coming by every day and helping her go into the bathroom to have a bath and have a shower. I was really naïve. I thought she was doing that just because she wanted to be over there and helping out. But after that second fall, then we just sat down with each other and just said ... 

Delores: We gotta do something. 

Mandy: When you guys were talking about the move, what things did you guys discuss that would help you make your decision? 

Delores: The one thought that we had was that we needed to make sure that where we went that we could be together, yet I would get the help I needed and he would get the help he needed because his would not be as much important as mine really.  

Mandy: So your No. 1 decision was that you guys could live together and get the individual care that you need because it’s completely different — your care is — but as things progress, then you don’t have to move because you can both still be taken care of.    

Bob: I can tell how much my body has failed. When we first moved in here, I could just scoot around with my cane. I can’t do that anymore. So the decision we made to come here and stay together and recognize what was happening to our bodies was a wise move.  

Mandy: That was going to be my next question: Are you happy you made the decision when you did? 

Bob: Yes. We probably should have made it ... 

Delores: Sooner  

Bob: Maybe six months to a year before that.

Mandy: We hear that a lot actually.  

Bob: To be honest, as I looked around — and without naming any places — I was just so discouraged with how they smell. Or you walk into the lobby but you have to walk a mile after you’re in there to get to your room. Or the unit that they had was just so tiny.  

When we came here, we thought: “Wow, that’s bigger. It’s got windows and a beautiful view. It smells good.” We have everything that we need here, and we don’t have to go very far to get it. What’s happened to us is that we have adjusted to what we have. 

I remember when we first moved in, though, I thought that was a pretty chancy refrigerator. I can remember our discussion. I said, “Well, I want a bigger refrigerator.” You said we didn’t really need one. “Yeah, we do!” “Why don’t you just wait and see?” you said. Well, that thing is empty. It’s got maybe a glass of orange juice in it or something. I mean there’s nothing in there. 

Mandy: What are some of your favorite things to do together here?  

Delores: We quite enjoy watching TV together. We read to each other.  

Bob: I spend a fair amount of time on the computer because I can still do something productive there. But I think, Mandy, that an honest answer is that our family is our life. We are fortunate to have a large family. 

Delores: They’re very attentive 

Bob: In fact, I even think maybe they call a little too much. 

Mandy: Are there any team members who have really helped you both since you’ve moved into your apartment? 

Bob: The answer to that is: Yes, of course.  

Delores: They get so they know you well enough that they can just about tell you what you want to eat or drink. 

Mandy: What has it been like to have caregiving support for each other? 

Delores: It’s really helped us to be able to enjoy each day.  

Bob: I see the care that she’s getting, and I’m so thankful for that — to see her as comfortable as she is. Another thing, too: I can see the relief in our children’s attitudes. I know they’re relieved. 

Mandy: What would you tell couples who are hesitant to move into assisted living? 

Bob: I think it would help a couple considering it to go two or three places where they know some people who are living there. Go, sit down, and see what the circumstances are.  

Remember, when Donna came here? I think she was surprised at how comfortable we appeared. We weren’t trying to be extra nice. She just could see that we were pretty comfortable here. I think that influenced her quite a bit. You just need to go look around and talk to people.  

Mandy: Would you tell couples to move before something happens? 

Bob: In retrospect, I wish we would have made the decision before we had to. I think it would have helped our family if we’d planned a little farther ahead. 

Mandy: Is there anything else you want to say?  

Bob: I think it’s important for the Highgate administration to realize that we feel like we’re at home. For me, as a husband, I am so grateful to see her being cared for properly. We’re comfortable, and we’re happy to be together.  

Would you like the peace of mind that comes from knowing your parents or spouse is getting the best care possible? Schedule a tour today to have a conversation about what Couples Care option will best fit you.