Have you ever gone to the doctor’s office for an appointment and realized only after you left that you forgot to ask the doctor an important question that you wanted to have them discuss with you?

That happens to nearly everyone at one time or another, and it’s especially common among seniors. Your parent may be perfectly able to go to their own doctor’s appointments, but if they’re getting older and have begun to develop chronic medical problems, now may be a good time to start accompanying them to some or all of their doctors’ appointments.

Two Is Better Than One

It’s not that you want to undermine your parents’ dignity and autonomy. But sometimes it’s just helpful to bring a family member or close friend with you who knows in advance what you want from your visit.

Not only do conversations with physicians tend to be rushed, but also oftentimes there isn’t enough time for patients to really voice their questions and concerns.

If you go to a doctor appointment with your parent, you can help remind them what they planned to discuss with the doctor if they forget, and you can take notes for them and help them remember what the doctor said. A basic plan can help you and your aging loved one make the most of your appointment.

Step 1: Have a Conversation with Your Parent

Before you show up at your aging loved one’s next doctor appointment, let them know that you’re interested in being their medical visit companion.

You could say something like, “Will you consider giving your doctor permission to talk to me in case I have questions about your medical treatment?” or “Can I accompany you to some doctor’s appointments? I recognize your right to privacy, but maybe I can help keep track of everything your doctor says at your visit.”

Let them know that you don’t want to take over the doctor appointment. Rather you want to be an extra set of ears.

Don’t forget that privacy laws require that you get your parents’ permission to talk with their doctor, so be sure to have your parents sign a Health Insurance Portability and Accountability Act (HIPAA) form.

Step 2: Prepare for the Appointment

Preparing a little in advance will help your loved one get a lot more out of the doctor visit, so talk with your family member about what you want to accomplish during this doctor’s visit:

• Are you seeking information about medication side effects or the outcomes of prescribed treatments?
• Do you plan to report new symptoms or concerns?
• Is your goal merely to ask questions about general health and lifestyle issues?
• What are your family member’s main concerns?
• What are your main concerns?
• Are they the same as your family member’s?

Along with your parents, make a list of questions and/or topics you’d like to discuss, and prioritize them. If you and your family member share the same concerns, then you know what to focus on during the visit. If you and your family member have very different concerns, try to agree on one or two that each of you will discuss with the doctor.

Hopefully, you and your loved one can agree on the appointment agenda as much as you can before arriving. However, it might be the case that each of you may need time to talk alone with the doctor, especially if either of you wants to talk about sensitive issues, such as incontinence or memory loss.

In addition to bringing a list of your prioritized concerns, you should also bring a list of all your loved one’s prescription drugs, over-the-counter medicines, vitamins, and herbal remedies or supplements and their doses.

Step 3: Let Your Parent Take the Lead

Remember, this visit is between your parent and the doctor. The most important role you can play is that of your parent’s eyes and ears. Keep the focus on your parent, and allow them to take the lead.

Your family member might prefer that you remain quiet and help just by taking notes or making sure you have correct information, such as about a new medicine. Speak up when you need to, though. Because you created a list of concerns in advance, you can prompt your family member to discuss an important item if the appointment is coming to a close and it hasn’t been brought up yet.

Some caregivers find it helpful to accompany their loved one to the beginning of an appointment to share information they think is important. Then they leave to sit in the waiting room, giving their loved one time alone with their doctor. The caregiver then returns at the end of the appointment to review any changes in their loved one’s medications or treatment plan.

Some things caregivers find especially helpful to discuss are what to expect in the future, sources of information and support, community services, and ways they can maintain their own well-being.

For a list of important questions to ask your parent’s doctor during their next office visit, download Checklist: Questions You Should Ask Your Parent's Doctor.