Discussing medical issues with your doctor — let alone your parent’s doctor — is much easier said than done.

Many people experience some amount of anxiety when they go to the doctor. That’s why it’s nice to accompany your aging loved ones to their doctor appointments — so they can have someone else there to ask questions about treatment options, symptoms, and anything else that’s a concern, says LaTresh Walker, Healthcare Director of Highgate at Temecula.

“Conversations with physicians tend to be rushed,” Walker says. “They maybe spend five to 10 minutes with each patient, and often, there isn’t a lot of time for the patient to speak freely.”

Maybe you feel self-conscious about how much of the doctor's time you’re taking up when you and your parent start to ask questions and are worried that your family could gain a reputation as a “difficult patient.” Or perhaps you feel that questioning the advice or recommendations of your parent’s doctor might lead to retribution in the form of lower-quality treatment somewhere down the road.

“But you should never be afraid to ask questions,” Walker says.

The doctor is there to help you and your parent be fully informed about their health. Make the most of your next visit with these five tips for communicating with your parent’s doctor.

1. Know How to Describe Symptoms

Your parents should share information about how they feel physically, emotionally, and mentally. Helping them learn how to describe their symptoms will allow you to become a partner in their health care because their doctor is going to ask specific questions about symptoms. Being clear and concise when describing their symptoms will help the doctor identify the problem.

Here are some questions you and your parent can think about before the appointment to make sure you can communicate with the doctor about how your loved one is feeling:

• What exactly are your loved one’s symptoms? (Examples of symptoms include pain, fever, a lump or bump, unexplained weight loss or gain, or having a hard time sleeping.)
• Are the symptoms constant? If not, when do they experience them?
• Does anything your parent do make the symptoms better? Or worse?
• Do the symptoms affect their daily activities? Which ones? How?

2. Send Your Questions Ahead of Time

One way to set you and your parent up for a successful trip to the doctor is by sharing your list of questions and concerns with the doctor before the appointment.

“A lot of doctors communicate through email or have a portal system where you can ask your questions,” Walker says. “If they do offer that, sign up for that so if there isn’t enough time, you can email your doctor.”

This is a great way to give your doctor the heads up about what issues are top of mind.

3. Plan to Update the Doctor

To provide the best care, your doctor must understand your loved one as a person and know what their life is like. Your mom or dad should plan on letting their doctor know anything that has happened in life since their last visit.

If they have been treated in the emergency room or by a specialist, tell the doctor right away. Mention any changes either of you has noticed in appetite, weight, sleep, or energy level. Also, tell the doctor about any recent changes in any medications your loved one takes or the effects they have had.

Also, don’t be afraid to let the doctor know about any major changes or stresses in your family’s life, such as the death of a loved one. You may want to encourage your loved one to say something like: “It might be helpful for you to know that my sister passed away since my last visit with you,” or “I recently had to sell my home and move in with my daughter.”

4. Don’t Let Them Talk Only to You

Sometimes when an adult child accompanies their aging loved one to a doctor’s appointment, the doctor might end up speaking only to the caregiver, ignoring the senior.

If this happens during your appointment — and your mom or dad is capable of being in charge of the appointment — say something, Walker says. Try turning toward your family member and saying something like: “Hey, that’s a good question for Mom. She can answer that for you.” If you don’t keep the focus on your parent and allow them to take the lead, they’ll probably end up feeling dismissed.

Encourage your parents to ask questions, too. Asking questions is key to good communication with a doctor. Tell your loved one to not hesitate to ask questions if they don’t know the meaning of a word such as “aneurysm” or “hypertension” or when instructions aren’t clear. For instance, you might say: “I want to make sure I understand. Could you explain that a little more?” or “I did not understand that word. What does it mean?”

5. Share Your Point of View

If you or your loved one start to feel rushed, worried, or uncomfortable, tell the doctor. For example, you could say something like: “I know you have many patients to see, but I’m really worried about this. I’d feel much better if we could talk about it a little more.”

A good doctor will take your concerns seriously and not brush them off. If you think your doctor isn’t taking your concerns seriously, talk to them about your feelings or consider looking for a new doctor.

It may take a little time for you, your family member, and the doctor to get used to a new communication style, but it is worth the effort to achieve this type of open and useful conversation.

When you participate in your parent’s health care, you are providing a gift of love that can make a huge difference in their safety and well-being.

For a list of important questions to ask your parent’s doctor during their next office visit, download Checklist: Questions You Should Ask Your Parent's Doctor.