With the increasing demands of dementia caregiving, a day may come when it is no longer possible to care for your loved one at home, or when the care they could receive in a specialized environment exceeds the care you can provide at home.
There are a number of reasons families consider a memory care community. Here are a few:
Safety
As dementia progresses, your loved one may not remember their address and may become disoriented (particularly at night). This can lead to wandering and exit-seeking. Sometimes, those with dementia also develop aggressive behavior as a way of coping with frustration, which may also lead to an unsafe home environment.
Health
Meal times can become a particularly challenging time. Without proper nutrition, your loved one may see weight loss, weight gain, or even may become ill more often due to lack of proper nutrition. Managing (and administering) medications can also become challenging for family caregivers.
Financial Reasons
If you’ve hired an in-home caregiver or have a home care agency coming to your home to help you with the caregiving responsibilities for a parent, this can become increasingly expensive and at some point may not even be cost-effective. 24-hour home care costs can exceed the cost of care your loved one receives in a memory care community.While your reasoning for making the decision is with your loved one’s best interest in mind, it’s still common for families to struggle with guilt over a decision as big as dementia care.
Moving from one home to another is never easy. Moving a loved one with Alzheimer’s disease or another form of dementia into memory care can be especially stressful. Here are six tips for helping a loved one with dementia move to a new home and making the transition as comfortable as possible.
1. Plan Ahead
If possible, you want to talk to your loved one about preferences for living arrangements while they can still provide input. Many families wait until it’s too late to begin the process of searching for a dementia care community, and in return are unable to get their loved one involved in making a decision. This can cause doubt and hesitation as a family tries to decide if the place they selected is a place their parent would have approved of when they were able to be involved in making decisions. Starting the conversation early also sets realistic expectations in your caregiving relationship. Try starting the conversation by saying, “Mom, if it is no longer safe for you to live with me and I need to consider looking at a memory care community, what should I look for as I research places?
2. Don’t Announce the Move in Advance
“Transfer trauma” is a term used to describe the stress that a person with dementia may experience when changing living environments. The stress is usually temporary and is relieved as your parent builds friendships, gains trust, and develops a sense of purpose and belonging in their new community.
It helps to avoid anticipation anxiety and transfer trauma by not telling your loved one that they will be moving until it is close to or on the move date. By not giving too much advance notice, you can promote a calmer state of mind for the transition.
A high-quality memory care community will have a proactive plan in place to minimize the effects and duration of transfer trauma, too.
3. Add Familiar Touches
Before the move, decorate the new home with some of your loved one’s own furniture, mementos, and items that bring them comfort, such as photos and familiar books. Familiar belongings can trigger feelings of connectedness and ownership as well as boost your loved one’s sense of security. You can also label the pictures to help staff members or others identify the people in your loved one’s life and encourage conversations about the past.
4. Consider Trying a Respite First
People with dementia who do not want to move permanently can sometimes make the transition more easily if the move begins as a temporary solution. Many memory care communities offer respite stays, however, you likely would not be bringing all of the belongings that would make your parent’s new apartment feel like home. Weight the pros and cons of trying a respite stay versus making a permanent move right away.
5. Avoid Visiting the First Week
If you’re feeling uncertain that you’re making the best move for your loved one or feeling guilt and grief, it can be hard to imagine waiting to visit. But it’s during those first few days that your loved one will develop new relationships with staff members and other residents.
If you visit during the first week, you might actually set back the sensitive process of adaptation. Definitely keep open communication channels with staff and work with them to build up their relationship with your loved one, but wait to make regular visits until they can be safely made on a supportive schedule.
6. Take Care of Yourself
Caring for an individual with Alzheimer’s disease or related dementia usually is at the expense of taking care of yourself. Especially as the disease progresses. As your loved one gets settled in, take the opportunity to reclaim some time for yourself. Pick back up a hobby or interest you had put by the wayside to care for your parent. Schedule some time with friends you may not have recently had time to spend with. Or, get some much need R&R.
To learn more about Highgate's memory care program, visit our website.
