Caregiving is a difficult job, but providing dementia care for a parent can be especially hard. It can feel like you’re fighting the tide. A bad episode can come in like a tidal wave and overwhelm you. You’ll promise yourself that you’ll look for alternative solutions, but then it recedes, and you think you can handle it again. Until, the next wave comes.

If it’s your first time caring for someone with dementia, it’s hard to predict (and fully know what to expect) the daily ups and downs that come with the steady progression of the disease. If you’re not careful, you’ll find yourself under the waves. Being overwhelmed with unexpected and sudden changes in your loved one’s behavior, mood or ability to complete daily tasks isn’t uncommon.  It’s also not uncommon for a turning point in care and support to occur where a family member realizes that the current living arrangement no longer meets the needs of your parent, or is healthy for either one of you. 

 Knowing the warning signs of when the responsibilities of care have become too much and when to consider placing your loved one in a dementia community can prevent you from being caught off-guard when the disease progresses.

 Here are five warning signs it’s time to get professional care for your parent.

1. Wandering

Wandering is common among those with dementia — 60 percent will wander. Although there are precautions you can take to reduce wandering, you can never eliminate it entirely, no matter how vigilant you are.

The beginning of wandering isn’t always obvious if you don’t know what to look for. Signs of wandering include:

• Taking unusually long to complete a routine walk or drive
• Expressing a desire to “go home” when already home
• Having difficulty finding the bathroom, bedroom or other familiar places.

Wandering at night is dangerous and difficult to contain. Dementia communities, which have secured entrances, exits and 24-hour staffing, residential homes are designed only to keep unwanted people out, and loved ones with a tendency to wander safe.

2. Demanding Family Life

Dementia care requires a lot of time. To do it well, you’ll need to spend time researching effective strategies, adapt your home and schedule and deal with minor emergencies on a routine basis.

Due to the amount of time it takes, caring for a parent with dementia comes at a cost to your other relationships such as your marriage, children and friendships.

Caring for a parent with dementia can also be emotionally draining. Since dementia affects the brain, it breaks down cognitive function, often altering personality in a way that can be painful to watch. Providing such care is a remarkable act of compassion. It can also be deeply frustrating when there is no light at the end of the tunnel. Dementia is a progressive disease that  worsens as time goes on,  making caregiving more difficult for one person to be responsible for. 

Be honest with yourself about how much of your time and energy are already being consumed by family and work obligation. It’s okay to admit when you’re stretched too thin. Piling on responsibilities and going past your breaking point helps no one.

3. Mood and Behavior Changes

The breakdown in cognitive function with dementia is often accompanied by abrupt, violent changes in mood and behavior. Up to half of all Alzheimer’s patients for instance, display occasional violent behaviors such as biting, hitting, kicking or cursing.

These behaviors can be dangerous for both the caregiver and the person they’re caring for. While aggression has been shown to slow down over time, it can take years to phase out. If the outbursts are beyond the control of the caregiver, a dementia community should be considered.

4. Withdrawal From the Outside World

In American culture, being diagnosed with dementia is stigmatizing and associated with social withdrawal. In animal studies, social isolation has been shown to speed up the neurological damage associated with Alzheimer’s disease.

Maintaining social contacts becomes more difficult with dementia, as the disease affects communication and limits the activities a person is capable of doing, which can be frustrating for the parent as well as his or her social group.

Finding the right support, such as a dementia community, can be key to keeping your parent active and engaged, which is both emotionally and physically healthy and can also slow the progression of the disease.

5. Refusal to Eat at Mealtimes

Eating can often become a challenging activity for people with dementia. Many people with dementia will refuse to eat for a variety of reasons, putting them at increased risk of death from malnutrition.

Professional caregivers at dementia communities are well trained in gaining cooperation at meal times. Some effective techniques include using non-verbal communication and waiting for the person to become calm before offering food.

Good dementia care is important in improving the quality of your parent’s life. While feelings of guilt are normal for caregivers who choose to place their parent in a dementia community, it is often the right decision, both for you and your loved one.