When a change in his health meant not driving anymore, Fred began looking for an assisted living community for him, and his 84-year-old wife Penny, who has dementia. “We started looking last summer. We were going to move into another community, but having my wife live with me in my apartment wasn’t allowed there.”
Fred’s challenge wasn’t unusual. Most assisted living communities require a loved one who has a dementia diagnosis to live in a secured area called “memory care”. Not Highgate at Temecula. While memory care is an option, keeping couples together as long as possible is something Highgate prides itself on. “Here, I can have my wife with me. I want her with me, not in a memory care. I didn’t mind being a caregiver for 20 hours a day for the previous three or four years, but once I lost my vision, not even being able to leave the house to go grocery shopping, it became very difficult, but I wanted my wife with me.”
“We’ve had couples move here that were previously living in a memory care together, one of the spouses completely fine the other having memory issues, but the community they came from wouldn’t allow them to live in the assisted living side together,” says LaTresh Walker, Healthcare Director at Highgate at Temecula. “When a spouse without cognitive impairment lives fulltime in that kind of setting it doesn’t allow the opportunity for them to be around their peers. They’re surrounded by people with various stages of dementia and that can be hard on a person.”
“As long as the spouse with dementia isn’t at risk for wandering out of the apartment or harming themselves or their spouse, we’ve seen couples flourish being able to live together in assisted living. Care team partners do the ‘heavy lifting’ as far as taking care of the physical needs of the resident, and the couple is able to focus on their relationship and cherish the valuable time they have together. Some of our residents have been married for 75 years or more and can’t imagine not having their loved one right beside them,” says Kathleen Williams, Executive Director at Highgate Senior Living in Temecula.
And while Fred didn’t mind being the primary caregiver, moving to Highgate at Temecula has allowed him to share the caregiver responsibilities with team members, while also making new friends and enjoying activities he didn’t previously have the time for. “Well, I just came down from playing pool with another fella in the man cave. We play every day,” says Fred
“Fred has flourished so much since he has been here. At home, he wasn’t able to go out to the store, go out to dinner, or do other things because he cared for his wife. On some days he’s up at six o’clock going to the store and on others he’s in our walking club. He knows that we will care for Penny while he’s still able to do what he can. He’s still very independent,” says Walker.
And whether it be playing pool in the man cave, enjoying happy hour with his new friends, or watching musical entertainment, Fred has piece of mind he will be falling asleep next to the love of his life.
