It’s true. Chances are that if you were asked today if you’d prefer to live in a senior living community or stay in your own home that you’d choose the latter.
But, for those accustomed to an active lifestyle, a change in health or the loss of a spouse can leave older adults who live alone feeling isolated and lonely.
When 83-year-old Mary Lou (a resident at Highgate at Temecula) first had the conversation with her daughter about moving to an assisted living community a few short months after the passing of her husband, her initial reaction was, “I’m not there yet!”
But, like many women who have experienced the loss of a spouse, living at home wasn’t quite the same anymore. “I didn’t like it. You’re lonesome. My husband never talked much, but he was always there.”
Mary Lou, who had lived in her own home before moving to Highgate at Temecula for 45 years had always been a very sociable person. “I used to take a lot of trips. Me and my girlfriends would pack up and travel to different places in the US or Europe or other places. I always liked to travel. And, every day I would walk 3 or 4 miles with my friend.” But as her health, as well as her husband’s health changed, Mary Lou found it increasingly difficult to maintain her socially active lifestyle. “It got so that I couldn’t do that anymore. I couldn’t get out much anymore. I couldn’t walk much anymore. I had nice neighbors for many years, but people couldn’t be spending time with me, they have their family and their friends, you know?”
Visiting Highgate at Temecula for the first time wasn’t without hesitation on Mary Lou’s part. “My daughter came from Utah to visit and we drove down for the day to visit my other daughter that lived right here in Temecula. After we got up and had breakfast, they said, ‘okay, grandma, let’s go check this place out.’” Though Mary Lou tried to talk herself out of it by saying, “I’m not ready yet,” she was met with support from both of her daughters, as well as her two grandchildren (ages 12 and 18) who reassured her, “Yes you are”. “So, rather than fight we came over here,” recalled Mary Lou. “As soon as we walked in the door I said, ‘Where can I sign my name?’”
How has life changed for Mary Lou since making the move to Highgate at Temecula? “Well my life has definitely changed for the better. There’s always somebody to talk to, and I’m not a loner. I get out for whatever is happening.” Mary Lou has also enjoyed spending more time with her 18-year-old granddaughter who spends the night one night a week in Mary Lou’s apartment.
Mary Lou’s eight-year-old cat, Dracula, has also settled in well. “I knew is I wasn’t going anywhere without my cat.”
So, for those pondering the move to a community like Highgate at Temecula, what advice would Mary Lou give them? “It’s a wonderful place to live. Food is wonderful. Caregivers are wonderful. The staff is wonderful. I cannot complain about one thing. Not one thing. I’m very happy here, very, very happy. And, of course, my daughters are really glad I’m very, very, very happy here.”
