When did you start looking for memory care in Temecula? Was it the day you found the phone in the freezer? The day your dad told you the neighbor kids stole his medicine? The day your impeccably dressed mom wore food-stained clothes? Was it the day you felt overwhelmed by caregiving because, according to your parent, you couldn’t do anything right? Was a fall the final straw?
Whether you’ve been considering memory care for quite some time or a recent change in circumstances has put you in crisis mode, looking for a memory care facility is packed with emotions and questions. As you decide what's next, here are a few things to consider.
How are you doing?
Caregiving is stressful. "We know that 80% of caregiving of the elderly is done by family members," says Mary Palmer, RN/BSN, Senior Care Expert.
On average, caregivers spend three-quarters of their days helping their loved one. The responsibility, as well as the emotions wrapped up in watching their loved one decline, can take a serious toll. "We know that the stress level is very high and depression is very high," says Palmer. "We often see caregivers succumb to health issues before the person that they're caring for."
When was the last time you spent significant time with your loved one as a daughter, son or spouse? Those relationships are crucial for their – and your – emotional health.
There's a reason why the flight attendant instructs you to put your oxygen mask on first. If you don't care for yourself first, you won't be able to care for others.
What type of care does your loved one need?
By looking at memory care options, "You are providing the best thing for that person," says Mandy Ketcham, Community Relations Coordinator and Dementia Educator. "We are experts at what we do. You wouldn't go to a diabetes doctor when you have cancer. So why would you take care of someone who has dementia and has more needs than you can provide?" When you know that your loved one is receiving the care they need, you can return to cherishing your time together as spouses, parent and daughter or son, or as friends.
How can quality of life be improved in a memory care facility?
Imagine you didn't have significant activities or structure to your day. It wouldn't take long before you became bored, withdrawn and depressed. People with dementia require structure and meaning, too.
"Lots of time families will come to us saying, 'my mom used to play the piano but she doesn't anymore,'" says Ketchum. "I see that light bulb go on [for residents], 'Wow, I haven't played the piano in so long, but someone is playing with me or is just giving me the opportunity to sit at a piano and talk about it.' Because they haven't done it in a long time doesn't mean that they still can't do something with it."
When is the best time to make the move?
It's never too early to start looking at memory care facilities. You'll know what's available and have a plan if there's a crisis. More importantly, your loved one may be able to participate in the decision.
Depending on the progression of your loved one's dementia, they should be able to make the final decision, says Ketchum. "They need to feel like they fit in. Their fact-based memory leaves, but their feeling-based memory remains."
After you've narrowed your choices to two or three, take them there for a casual lunch. Don’t overwhelm them with facts about the facility. Let your loved one decide whether the facility is one that would fit, where they’d feel at home.
If you’re concerned about how your loved one might do outside the home, respite care is a way to give it a trial run for a week up to a couple of months. You can see how they react to their new environment, support team, other residents, and daily activities before you make a decision.
As you consider what’s best for your loved one and you, remember that no matter where they live, you’ll be a caregiver because of your special relationship as spouse, daughter, son or friend.
