If your parent is getting ready to move, you’re probably getting ready to help them downsize. Although you might be tempted to take charge and handle the details yourself, that’s likely to cause the whole process to grind to a halt.
That’s because downsizing isn’t simply about decluttering, especially when you’re a senior. For many older adults, downsizing can bring up feelings of sadness or grief, stress, and anxiety.
But if you’re aware of common senior downsizing mistakes — and how to avoid them — you can help transform downsizing from a depressing chore to a chance for your family to bond and reminisce. Here are seven tips to make downsizing easier.
1. Acknowledge That Downsizing Is Hard
Sometimes adult children forget to put themselves in their parent’s shoes and just want to get downsizing done so they can check it off their to-do list. But if you’re too impatient or if you keep insisting that your parent just throw old clothing and furniture away, you might cause them to shut down emotionally.
Instead, acknowledge the difficulty of the task at hand. Be respectful of your parent’s possessions — even if you don’t understand why they value the things they do. If you let your parent know that you understand how hard this process can be, they will feel loved and supported and the whole process becomes easier.
2. Be Realistic About How Big Their New Home Is
Oftentimes, parents will want to keep too many things that “might” be useful someday or they assume their grandma’s china cabinet will still fit in their new living room.
Before you even start decluttering, measure and plan for the space where your parent is moving. If you wait until moving day, you may find that certain things you thought would fit won’t actually work in the space.
If your parent is moving to a senior living community, the community should have floor plans you can use to map out how furniture will fit in their new home.
3. Include Your Siblings
One of the biggest senior downsizing mistakes when moving my elderly parents is poor communication with other family members. If you have siblings who live far away from your parent’s home, make sure to include them in the process.
4. Come Up with a Downsizing Schedule
Oh, wouldn’t it be nice if you could downsize in a day? The truth is, you can’t. Downsizing experts recommend giving your parent a full six months to prepare for their move.
Instead of waiting until the last minute to declutter and trying to tackle their whole home all at once, help your parent come up with a realistic downsizing timeline.
Plan on decluttering one room or area at a time. If your loved one is moving to an assisted living community, consider starting with the garage and kitchen. Assisted living communities handle the maintenance of outdoor spaces, so your parent won’t need a lawnmower or rake anymore. And even if your mom loves to cook, she probably won’t need five frying pans.
5. Spend Time Reminiscing
But if your mom has stories about those five frying pans, listen to them. If you start bickering over what to keep and what to get rid of, use downsizing as an opportunity for your parent to tell you the history of a piece of furniture or artwork so you know why it means so much to them.
You can even get the entire family involved. Invite your siblings, kids, and grandkids over, and let them help your parent pack and ask questions and relive family memories. If your parents know that the memories will live on after they get rid of their stuff, it makes the downsizing process easier.
6. Only Make Yes or No Piles
You and your parent might be tempted to make a Maybes pile — things you’ll keep if you have space. Or your sister might say she wants your dad’s big grandfather clock, but she needs a couple of months to figure out where she’d put it.
Don’t fall for that. As you start sorting through your parent’s possessions, use different colored Post-it Notes for:
- Things that are moving to their new home
- Things going to family or friends
- Things going into storage
- Things being donated
- Things you want to get rid of
The benefit of this method is that your family will not have to remake decisions. Some relocation experts call it the OHIO rule, which stands for, Only Handle It Once. The less decisive you are about what to do with an item, the more attached you (or your parent) risk becoming to it.
7. Focus On What Your Parent Is Gaining
When you’re downsizing, it’s really easy for your parent to think about what they’re losing. Instead of focusing on what they’re leaving behind, help them remember all the things they’ll be gaining. If they’re moving to an assisted living community, it means no more housekeeping or yard work, meals made by five-star chefs, and new hobbies and friends.
For things that are really hard to let go of, take photos of them. Or you could through the home with a camera and film it just the way it is, while having your parents recall outloud memories of particular possessions or life milestones. This can help ease the downsizing process, and the video and scrapbook can become gifts to pass on to younger generations.
Downsizing disasters aren’t inevitable. If you plan ahead and start early, communicate with family openly and honestly, and savor the memories, downsizing can actually be a rewarding experience.
If you’re moving your loved one to an assisted living community, you probably have a lot more questions about what to pack, how to navigate move-in day, and how to help your parents adjust. For more information, download our Guide to Making the Move to Highgate Senior Living.
