“I’m worried my mom will feel abandoned.”  

“What if my dad is just going to be sitting in his room in front of the TV all day?”  

“My mom has dementia and my dad doesn’t, and I don’t want to split them up.” 

If you’re like most people, these are probably only a few of the reasons why you’re reluctant to consider memory care for a loved one — and they’re valid reasons. Not all memory care communities are created equal.  

“People who have seen other memory care communities are concerned that their loved one won’t be well-attended to and well-cared for. They’re worried about the basics: Are they eating? Are they clean? Are they well-fed. Are they safe? Are they well-stimulated?” says Alma Macy, Community Relations Coordinator at Highgate at Temecula.  

“After they’ve been in Highgate, many family members find that their loved one is not only much more engaged, but they’re actually thriving.” 

That’s because memory care at Highgate at Temecula employs what is known as a Positive Approach to Care, in which care partners focus not on what is lost but on what’s left and concentrate on what can be done rather than what can’t. 

“We do things with your loved ones instead of for your loved ones,” Macy says. “For example, if they need help eating, we will eat with them instead of just feeding them. There’s a big difference doing something with them rather than for them.” 

There are a lot of reasons why Highgate at Temecula is different than what you expect.  

1. Highgate at Temecula Reduces Reliance on Medication 

There have been news reports recently of nursing homes sedate residents with dementia by misusing antipsychotic drugs. Not at Highgate at Temecula.  

 “With every pill, there is a side effect,” says Adam Bryan, Vice President of Sales for Highgate Senior Living. “We have high expectations for a low amount of medicine in our communities.” 

In the memory care community at Highgate at Temecula, the care partners take a holistic approach to care, using things like tea, aromatherapy, and spa baths and massages to relax and soothe.  

“At the end of the day, if someone is agitated, we don’t have knee-jerk reaction and say your family member needs more pills. We use lavender aromatherapy, which is very calming,” Macy says. “Or if a resident doesn’t have much of an appetite, due to age or medication side effects, we use diffusers with citrus or peppermint, which encourages appetite.”  

2. Care Partners Don’t Believe in ‘Problem’ Behaviors  

When touring other memory care communities, you might have heard about how they handle “problem behaviors” or “behavioral issues” with frequent, heavy sedation or by removing them from the situation. Not at Highgate at Temecula.  

Whether it’s nighttime wandering, confusion, repetitive questions, incontinence, or just wanting “to go home,” the highly trained care partners have the expertise to handle these concerns, no matter how challenging the situation. 

“Many times, people tell us, ‘I think my family member gets agitated in the afternoon,’” Macy says. “We try to find what is going on here and address the root cause of that frustration. Maybe it’s actually a lack of activity or movement. Maybe they have pent-up energy and they’re bored. Are they up all night pacing at home?  

Well, maybe it’s because they’ve been sitting around all day. So, we offer an environment where they can be engaged.” 

The Life Enhancement Program at Highgate at Temecula includes:  

• Physical activities, such as walking, yoga, conductorcise, bands and weights, and exercise games  
• Intellectual stimulation through current events discussions, puzzles, technology classes, guest speakers, and cultural field trips 
• Socialization through large and small group get-togethers, musical guests and sing-alongs, gardening activities, special interest clubs, community interactive events, and special celebrations 

• Philanthropic ventures, where residents use their special skills and talents to share with others, contributing to the community and their own sense of purpose 
• Spiritual wellness through multi-faith worship opportunities and Bible study 

“Staying active and engaged is important for someone with dementia,” says Katrina Custodio, the Life Enhancement Coordinator at Highgate at Temecula. “It’s about the quality of life. When someone has a purpose, it gives the individual the sense of self-worth.  

3. Memory Care at Highgate at Temecula Prioritizes Residents’ Preferences  

If one of your parents has Alzheimer's or another form of dementia and the other doesn’t, there are a lot of memory care facilities that can’t — or won’t — accommodate them. Not at Highgate at Temecula.  

Keeping couples together as long as possible is something Highgate prides itself on.  

Team members understand that no two seniors are alike. Every individual has a different life story, different interests, different health issues, and different needs. They use responses to two questionnaires — This Is My Life Story and Purposeful Living — to elicit ideas and information that allows them to plan programming that is specific to each resident.  

When it comes to dining options, residents order from made-to-order menu options, including a Resident’s Choice Special, where recipes from residents, staff, and family members are incorporated into the menu daily.   

Ultimately, memory care at Highgate at Temecula is a place where, no matter what their health issues, residents can maintain the highest level of independence possible. Having choices is empowering. When people can make their own decisions, rather than have them made for them, they are stronger and happier.